攻克雅思写作衔接难题

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攻克雅思写作衔接难题

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攻克雅思写作衔接难题

　　剑桥雅思真题9的一篇考官范文，一起来看看 “连贯和衔接”的使用。

　　题目：Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and other measures are required.

　　Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

　　A problem of modern societies is the declining level of health in the general

　　population, with conflicting views on how to tackle this worrying trend.

　　通过代词this的使用使得“现象”与大众对现象的看法产生了衔接，清晰简洁，不留痕迹做到了评分准则中的“uses cohesion in such a way that it attracts no attention”

　　One possible solution is to provide more sports facilities to encourage a more

　　lifestyle.

　　通过 “one possible”写出了后文还会提到提到其他的解决方案，从而体现了后文在分段和内容上与总观点的对应，即评分准则中的”skilfully manages paragraphing“

　　Advocates of this believe that today’s sedentary lifestyle and stressful working

　　通过this的使用把主体段与“首段”紧密联系起来

　　conditions mean that physical activity is no longer part of either our work or our

　　leisure time. If there were easy-to-reach local sports centres, we would be more

　　通过对于关键词的修饰进一步论证了论点中涉及的关键重心内容，体现了内容的深化，论据与观点的衔接(即增多“sports facilities”的第一个原因：需要让大众更方便做运动)

　　likely to make exercise a regular part of our lives, rather than just collapsing in front of a screen every evening. The variety of sports that could be offered would

　　作用同上“通过对于关键词的修饰进一步论证了论点中涉及的关键重心内容，体现了内容的深化，论据与观点的衔接”(即增多“sports facilities”的第二个原因：需要满足更多人的需求)，两个原因之间并没有生硬的使用“Firstly, Secondly”

　　cater for all ages, levels of fitness and interests: those with painful memories of PE at school might be happier in the swimming pool than on the football pitch.

　　However, there may be better ways of tackling this problem. Interest in sport is

　　通过代词”this ”的使用，是的此段观点与题目相联系(即在此段会写出“other possible ways”),并且与上一段形成并列关系

　　not universal, and additional facilities might simply attract the already fit, not

　　those who most need them. Physical activity could be encouraged relatively

　　cheaply, for example by installing exercise equipment in parks, as my local council has done. This has the added benefit that parents and children often use them

　　“This”代替前面的措施，前后句之间因此产生紧密联系

　　together just for fun, which develops a positive attitude to exercise at an early age.

　　“which”代替前面所描述的“增加equipment”的直接影响，使主句和从句，直接影响和间接影响产生联系

　　As well as physical activity, high tax penalties could be imposed on high-fat food

　　products, tobacco and alcohol, as excessive consumption of any of these

　　(普通连接词“as”后接原因) (“these”代词的使用加强主从句之间的联系)

　　contributes to poor health. Even improving public transport would help: it takes

　　longer to walk to the bus stop than to the car.

　　In my opinion, focusing on sports facilities is too narrow an approach and would

　　not have the desired results. People should be encouraged not only to be more

　　physically active but also to adopt a healthier lifestyle in general.

　　通过以上的分析可以看出，考官是极少使用明显生硬的连接词的，而是通过紧扣论点的论据分类，代词的准确应用以及论点与分论点的内容呼应达到“不留痕迹，分段得体”的状态的。

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